Dear Tommy Shaw,

It is with a heavy heart that I must break up with you. I still think you have amazing talents; I love the way you play guitar and your voice melts me, but, unfortunately, you cannot continue to be my boyfriend.

Tommy, I can accept the bad eighties hair that you used to wear. I can forgive some of the songs that irritate me. I can even look beyond the inexplicable blue eyeshadow you wore in the Caught in the Act concert. But, Tommy, this is a deal breaker.

I cannot forgive you for that horrendous green jump suit. I cannot. Many things can be blamed on the poor fashion taste of the late seventies and early eighties, but the green pants suit is absolutely unforgivable. I cannot be with someone who not only wore something like that, but had the audacity to make several music videos whilst wearing it.

It’s easy to say, “but WB, I wore that when you were but a small child.” And maybe you have even burned it since then. But, I popped in my Styx DVD the other day, and after watching the concert, I started watching the other videos. Tommy, you were wearing that appalling pants suit in no less than three of the videos, and quite possibly more, since I haven’t finished watching the videos yet. Tommy, Tommy, Tommy. I cannot forgive you for this tasteless outfit.

You will no doubt want to point out the ridiculous white pants suit James Young was wearing in those videos as proof that it was the style of the time, and peer pressure, and what not. But at least with James’ ugly pant suit, there was an inkling of style in the strategic placement of all those buttons. You, Tommy, had no such style in your eye-roll inducing pant suit. Yes, I recognize that Dennis DeYoung was also sporting a completely ridiculous barber shop quartet outfit, and someone actually let John Panozzo wear barely there gold shorts with his afro (in another video), but it is still your green pants suit that leaves the proverbial bad taste in my mouth.

What were you thinking when you bought and wore that outfit?!

So, with a heavy heart, I must end our imaginary relationship, Tommy. It’s not me, it’s you, or your clothing anyway. I may have some pictures of me wearing flower vomit outfits, but so far, none of my ridiculous clothing compares at all to the highly-offensive green pants suit you wore. Even though your voice, goatee, and current hair style twitterpates me, we must end our relationship.

I know you will want to continue to be friends, but, I don’t think so. See above complaint about a certain green pants suit.

Warm regards,
wRitErsbLock

wRitErsbLock