It’s been many months since I last bothered posting a book review. I guess I just have not had anything worth reviewing. Understandable, really, since I’ve recently re-read the entire Harry Potter series, and better bloggers than me have already reviewed those books with more passion and obsession than I can ever posses. But, I just finished the second book in a series that, well… let me do the review.

Dead Until Dark and Living Dead in Dallas are books one and two in the Sookie Stackhouse series by Charlaine Harris. Vampire porn: just my genre!

I started reading this series after I began watching the HBO series based on the books, True Blood. I don’t have HBO, but heard from several sources that it was a good show. Since I enjoy vampire stories, I thought I should check it out. I didn’t realize the series was based on books until two weeks ago, when I encountered the books at my local bookstore.

I began Dead Until Dark at the book store that day, and read the first four chapters in the cafe. I found the story to be quite engaging while the writing style itself was, well, mediocre. But, since I was already through three episodes of the HBO show (which, btw, I was not yet addicted to, but it had me at least wanting to give it another episode or ten), I wanted to finish the poorly-written book. Especially since there are something like nine books in the Sookie series and I enjoy book series.

So DUD, was an enjoyable storyline. Twenty-five year old virgin telepath Sookie’s encounters with her small town Louisiana neighbors, and eventual relationship with vampire Bill. There are fewer main characters in the book than there are in the show, and that’s fine, although I really like the chemistry Tara adds to the series, and she does not exist at all in these two books. The sex scenes were engaging enough to get my heart pumping, but not enough to have me jumping my husband (his loss, and mine). Pity, because the sex scenes could be so, um, engaging to the reader. There is something to be said for smut novels, although I have never read any romance novels, and my main experience with smut is the smut I have written; I assure you, I write much better sex scenes than Charlaine Harris writes. Truth be told, I am very dissatisfied with the sex scenes in these books; they could have been spectacular with very few additional words.

Yes, I did just admit to you that I’ve been writing a smut novel. No, you can’t read the chapters I have written… yet. I’m kinda embarrassed that such smut spewed forth from my brain.

Back to DUD… overall, I enjoyed the story. I really did. Enough to make me anxious to start book two. After all, shouldn’t an author’s technique improve in their second endeavor?

Apparently not.

I bought book two, Living Dead in Dallas without beginning to read it at the cafe first. I assumed I would heart it as much as I did the first (poorly written) book. Much to my surprise, the second book is even more poorly written. How is this possible?! The sex scenes, oh the sex scenes! You can ask sherlock and my neighbor about how many times I was literally laughing out loud, and it was during the sex scenes. A sex scene should leave me hot and bothered, not laughing out loud. FAIL! I think at one point I said out loud, “has this woman ever even had sex?” because whichever scene I was reading was so, well, ridiculous. And I promise you I have no trouble at all suspending reality and accepting the existence of vampires, shape shifters, ancient greek creatures, and the thought of these supernatural beings providing the best sex on earth to humans. But some of the sex scenes between Sookie and Bill are just laugh out loud ludicrous.

I promise you, I have an active sexual imagination, but I just could not buy into some of those scenes. At all.

Then, there’s the glaring editing error that I cannot forgive. I have an affliction: my useless degree is in English; I catch errors. Yes, yes, I may break a lot of rules in my blogging, but I know the rules. When my writing matters, I follow the rules. Occasionally, when reading (usually text books), I find grammar errors, spelling errors, punctuation errors… these things happen. No editor is perfect. But surely someone in the editing process of LDID should have caught the error that distracted me so much, I bitched about it over dinner with friends, and then went home to read them the error, and declared I would write a book review just so I could bitch some more about the error.

SPOILER ALERT! I WILL BE QUOTING TEXT HERE!

From Page 168 in my version of the book Living Dead in Dallas A scene between Luna and Sookie, Luna begins:

“Okay, I respect that,” she said. “Why are you here?”
“What’s it to you?”
“I just saved your ass.”
She had a point, a good point. “Okay. I am a telepath and I was hired by your vampire area leader to find out what had become of a missing vampire.”
“That’s better. But it ain’t my area leader. I’m a supe, but I ain’t no freaking vampire. What vamp did you deal with?”

Blah blah blah. I won’t even delve into how unrealistic-sounding so many of the conversations were in this book; I choose to forgive that by stretching my level of suspended belief to assuming that the mythical creatures just talk strangely. The problem I have with that conversation wasn’t even a problem until page 173 (five pages later). It’s the same basic scene, same chapter, just a few minutes later in the action, still just Luna and Sookie talking to each other. Sookie begins:

“So, we can’t call the police. Who can we call?”
“I got to get you with your people. You don’t need to meet mine. They don’t want to be known, you understand?”
“Sure.”
“You have to be something weird yourself, huh? To recognize us.”
“Yes.”
“So what are you? Not a vamp, for sure. Not one of use, either.”
“I’m a telepath.”
“You are! No shit! Well, woooo woooo,” Luna said, imitating the traditional ghost sound.
“No more woo woo than you are,” I said, feeling I could be pardoned for sounding a bit testy.

No one in the editing process realized we just had this conversation five pages ago?! Seriously? Not even before the second printing of this book? Argh! Blatant mistakes like this grate on my nerves. Big time. It even entered my dream Friday night, in which I met the author and complained about it to her face. No kidding. It irks me that much.

This time, I must also complain about the conversation and how foreign it sounds. And “wooo wooo” in a ghost sound? I have no idea what that sounds like. Do you? Maybe because I’m not from Louisiana?

I like the characters, mostly. Sookie actually grates on my nerves, but I like Bill, I like Pam, I like Sam, and I really like Eric. Someone told me Eric was their favorite vampire ever, and I can see why (I don’t like him as much in the show as I do in the book). I like the story line for the same reason I like the Twilight series: I’m fascinated by the idea of vampires living with humans, and their interactions. The Sookie books are great because it presents vamps as a “race” of people, struggling to have the same rights as humans while resisting their basic instinct to feed on humans. The first book had a murder mystery sub plot that was enjoyable enough. The second book was just disjointed and plain old bad writing.

I may or may not read the third book. I likely will, because I like the premise, but if it’s as poorly written as the second book, there’s no way I’ll finish it. As it is, I have already decided not to waste any more money on these books. I’ll figure out how to get a library card or just read it in segments at the book store. But I will not be throwing my money after this particular crappy writing anymore. Sorry Charlaine, but your writing is bad bad bad.

Some of you have read these books and watch this series. Please let me know how wrong I am in the comments. I plan to give my books to Amanda when I see her tomorrow (these are not kid-friendly books, and I do not want RTY reading them), so I won’t be able to compare texts with you. But we can discuss this book like the fang bangers we are.

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