J was in the bathroom (the bathroom located behind my desk, the bathroom that I hear everything in, as opposed to the bathroom down the hall that I also hear everything in because my desk is strategically placed so that I hear everything in this office). J’s cell phone was in his office. As soon as J commenced peeing, his cell commenced ringing. I could hear J rushing to finish to get to his cell phone on time. J exited the restroom (cell no longer ringing).

Me: **shocked and appalled** Did you wash your hands?
J: not yet, I wanted to get to my cell phone
Me: Go wash your hands! (I’m so demanding)
J: **has the look that lets me know I’m in for a real treat of a conversation, the same look he gets when we discuss politics and religion** Is it possible…
Me: Yes, it is, now go wash your hands.
J: **approaches me**
Me: No! DO NOT TOUCH ME! GO WASH YOUR HANDS!
J: Is it possible, do you think, for a man to go into the bathroom and do what he needs to do without touching anything that might necessitate him needing to wash his hands?
Me: No. It is, however, possible that I was in the bathroom and purposely peed all over my hands and then rubbed my hands on the handle - that you just touched - when I flushed the toilet, that I know for a fact has not been wiped down since the weekend, if it even gets wiped down then. GO WASH YOUR HANDS.
J: You did not do that. **scratching his beard with his unwashed hands**
Me: Is it possible, do you think, for a client or employee who utilized that bathroom to have nasty disgusting germs on their hands when they flushed that toilet so that when you flushed the toilet just now you touched those nasty disgusting germs?
J: I will wash my hands, but not because you told me to.
Me: Good. You do that.

Later…

J returned from the bathroom down the hall.
J: Did you hear me running water?
Me: Yes, but I have no faith whatsoever that you allowed that water to touch your hands. Honestly, you’re like a child.
J: **laughed and went to his desk**

Later still…

E exited his office.
E: Hey, touch this **extends injured hand** and compare it to this hand and tell me if you think there’s a lump.
Me: I will not touch you.
E: No, seriously, touch it. Do you think there’s a lump?
Me: I’m sure there is, but I will not touch you.
E: Come on.
Me: No. Get away from me. Your father has made my germ-o-phobia go off the scale today and I refuse to touch either one of you. Go have your parental unit touch your hand.
E: You’re really weird.

It should be noted J is the one who regularly talks on the phone and EATS FOOD while utilizing the bathroom. J does not understand why I find that appalling.

wRitErsbLock