Oh I hate when my past collides with my present. Hate it. It makes me feel… ill-at-ease.

When this name first crossed my desk weeks ago, I thought to myself, “that a familiar name. I wonder if it’s the person I know?”

When the wife came into my office last week, I thought to myself, “her husband’s name is so familiar.” But I didn’t recognize her. Of course, I wasn’t looking to recognize her.

Now that I’m about to call and confirm their appointment here tomorrow, I have the contact info open in Outlook that I did not enter into Outlook, the husband’s email address is at one of my former places of employment.

And I’m feeling awkward now.

I told Bosslady I used to work with the husband. She said, “can you tell me something about him?” He had LASIK in 2000. “That’s not what I want to know.” I talked about what I remembered of him. It’s not much; I have a lousy memory and that was 2000-2001.

I’m feeling apprehensive. I hope he doesn’t remember me. I have a new last name. I have thirty additional pounds.

All I can think is that when he knew me, I was just an administrative assistant. And a writer. I wrote the monthly company newsletter. And an editor. I edited every single document in that company. They churned out 100+ page business plans monthly, along with a plethora of legalese pages, and I had to turn the very technical documents into readable English. Now, if he comes in tomorrow and sees me sitting here at the receptionist desk, and if he remembers me, he’ll think, “oh, gee, she’s a secretary. Eight years later, and she’s still just a secretary.”

profanity barrier
I AM NOT A FUCKING SECRETARY! Not that there’s anything wrong with that as a profession, but I bristle at the suggestion that I am just a secretary. I’m the fucking glue of this company.

Sorry, but I bristle. Pet peeve and all.

I just never wanted to be thirty-one years old and feel like a loser, which is how I am now feeling, thank you very much potential client / former co-worker.

Then, all the emotions are flooding back from the whole lay-off experience I had from that company. They laid me off in June or July 2001, after assuring me that we were a family, and since I was one of their original eight employees, I had nothing to worry about. But oh, you’re fired, and we’re keeping the two temps we just hired last week. Yeah, it stings still today.

So, yeah. I’m feeling all kinds of ferklemped about tomorrow afternoon’s appointment.

wRitErsbLock